My favorite television show of all time is FRIENDS.


Drops mic. Walks out.


No, but seriously. There will never be a show as good as FRIENDS was. I watch it everyday. Still. I could sit for hours and quote lines with my mom and sister. We would laugh during the last hour just as hard as we did during the first. I can't tell you a favorite episode. They are all so great.  Some of my favorites include:


The one with Ross' spray tan. The one where Rachel where's lingerie to dinner. The one where Joey figures out how to use "quotations". The one where Monica and Rachel lose their apartment in the game. The one where Phoebe learns to ride a bike. The NYE dance with Ross and Monica.


I could honestly go on and on!!


Not too long ago, a close friend asked me which character I was most like. After giving it serious thought, I said, "None." No one character really is anywhere close to me. My friend was quick to reply, "You're Monica Gellar."


Now, of all the FRIENDS characters, who really wants to be Monica Gellar?? She's loud. She talks a lot. She's demanding. She's OCD. She's a clean freak. She is SO competitive. She's always second best standing next to Rachel. She spends so much time worrying about the order of things that she forgets to have fun. Crap.....


I'm Monica Gellar.


While I can think of all the negative reasons I didn't want to be Monica, my friend was quick to make me feel a little better by saying, "Monica knows what she wants and she gets it."


Fast forward to this week.


Yesterday was rough. I became extremely angered and frustrated over a situation. Everything in me wanted to lash out, hit a wall (or a face) and retaliate. I felt like something I did without a second thought for myself was turned into a selfish situation for attention for others. I wanted to scream "It's not a competition!" And one of my favorite Monica quotes answers back inside my head, "Not a close one, anyway."  Can you tell I was bitter?


I went to choir practice last night. It is always fun to "sing my way into his presence" (Sing until I actually want to be there.) I always leave with a better attitude than I came. Not to say that I always go in with a bad attitude. Some days are just better than others!


At the end of choir practice, we always get an excellent devotional from our choir director. This time, however, she passed the baton to her sister.


She read from a book she was reading about when God chose Moses to lead the people. Moses wanted all kinds of answers and God simply said, "I Am." While she read off the list of things God IS and where he always will be, I was paying attention. Then...then she read off the list of things that it meant that I am NOT. Talk about a slap in the face after my bitter attitude.


I am not GOD.
I am not in control.
I am not the only one hurting.
I am not the only one in this situation.
I am not the best.
I am not the only.


My face is still stinging from the words hitting me so hard. I know the reason that I am doing the things I do. I know the reason that I am the way I am. I know that I can not control the actions, thoughts, intentions of others. I can only control Whitney. And I'm barely doing that!


Am I Mother Teresa? Not even close. But, I would like to think that my heart is in the right place. I hope that at the end of the day my actions are pleasing to the only one who matters in this life. This isn't about show, contest, popularity. I hope that at the end of the day, I stand somewhere between Monica Gellar and Mother Teresa. I hope I use the drive, OCD, demand of Monica to do the good will and generosity of Mother Teresa.


He is.


I am not.