Rarely do I sit and stare at a blank screen. Rarely do words escape me for hours on end. And rarely...is that a good thing.
I cried in public today. I cried at my work. I cried at my Optimist Club meeting. I cried on the phone to my mom, to my sister, to my friends. I cried in my car. Four times.
I didn't sleep last night. I was too anxious. I was too nervous. I was awaiting results of PET Scans. Results that had the power to break me. Mentally and emotionally...just break me. I know I wasn't alone in those feelings. I stayed up til late in the night pouring my heart out to a close friend and I know that the pain was there for the both of us.
What can I say that I haven't already? The support that she has been show is beyond words. It's the testament to who she is and what she stands for. I look back over my first blog about her story and I am just torn apart.
Cancer. Cancer in her spine. Cancer in her lungs. Cancer in her liver. Cancer everywhere. Where is one's hope supposed to come from when you read that? I see these pictures of her, I read her texts, I read her Facebook, I talk to her, I eat lunch with her, I take her to chemo and I listen. I listen to her talk and in the past 10 weeks, I have not one time heard her admit defeat. I have not one time heard her want to retreat, throw in the towel, or say "Enough."
She has every right to say anything she wants to. She has every right to scream. To cry. To lash out in a fit of rage and devastation. Yet...she does not. She stands. She commands. She fights.
She always tells me that I am a lion. She says that I come in roaring and people don't know how to take that. She "claims" I have some kind of kitten on the inside, though, and that I just don't let people see that. (And just for the record, she's lying.) Here's the thing, though. If I am a lion, she's a Warrior. The fight that she has put up the last few months has been nothing short of amazing.
When you are tired to the point of seizures and passing out..you are a Warrior. When you spend days of your week sick in a bathroom and you come out with a smile on your face...you are a Warrior. When you choke down chalky disgusting drinks and tell me it's a vanilla smoothie...you are a Warrior. When you spend an entire day on your feet so you can go with your child on her field trip (to the zoo, I might add) the day after your chemo treatment...you are a Warrior. When you stand up in front of hundreds of people and give a speech about all that you have gone through, and you barely shed a tear...you are a Warrior.
When you are told you have cancer in your spine, cancer in your lungs, cancer in your liver, and your response is "I will fight until I have no fight"...you are a warrior.
I may be a lion, but I am no warrior. I am no Karen Lamb.
I got her phone call at 11:21AM, today. When I answered and she was laughing, I thought 2 things. Either she had good news for me, or the worst had happened and she had finally lost her mind. ;)
Fortunately, God is still on his throne and it was the prize behind door number one.
Cancer in the spine: Gone.
Cancer in the lungs: Gone.
Cancer in the liver: Still abnormal and will still be treating it as cancer. (For the record, though, the radiologist never even called it cancer today.)
Just for my own need, I'm gonna type it again. Cancer in the spine and lungs...Gone. As in, not there. No sign. Anywhere.
Now, we can debate all day on how that is possible. We can call it modern medicine. We can call it the asparagus. We can call it anything you want to call it, but I'll tell you what it is. That is nothing short of a miracle. That is nothing but God's hand on this whole entire situation. That is nothing but the power of prayer. That is nothing but Jesus Christ saying to us, "I will never leave you, nor forsake you."
"In my distress, I cried unto the Lord, and he heard me." - Psalm 120:1
I cried today. I cried out loud. In fact, I sobbed. In public. And they were giant, overwhelming tears of joy.
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"God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved."- Psalms 46:5
Whitney B. Cromley
Follower of Jesus.